Aunt Flo

Am I the only one who celebrates her period with a minute of gratitude for not being preggo? I do this even when I’m on birth control or not having sex.

Whoops, did I say when I’m on birth control implying that I’m currently not? I guess I did haha. Don’t judge me. The last thing I want to do is procreate with someone I met online. Can you imagine how that conversation would go?

Person: Well, who’s the dad?

Me: Uh, I don’t know his last name. I swiped right because he had a gnarly picture of a tiger but when I deleted my account, I lost all my matches!

Hahahaha, no thanks. I used to have the 10 year IUD but that only lasted about 2.5 years. I’m way too paranoid for my own good and kept thinking it was going to rupture through my uterus and end up in my tummy. That and I had wicked cramps while on it. When I took it out last summer I wasn’t having sex. Like, none at all. When the gynecologist tried  putting me on something else I kept telling him I didn’t need anything. What the hell was more effective than abstinence?! I think he thought I was lying. Maybe I look like a whore. Whatevs lol.

Since then I’ve had sex a handful of times but I don’t feel like it’s enough to merit going on some hormonal method. Until I start having regular sex (see: with one dude) why should I go out and voluntarily put all these hormones into my body? Condoms will work just fine for now.

Or at least I hope they do. Like I said, I’m too paranoid for my own good so I can’t say I really trust condoms. I once had one break and end up in a pregnancy I didn’t know about until the day I miscarried.

I was in high school. Yikes. Looking back I don’t know why the hell I didn’t get a Plan B the next day but then again I was in high school and an idiot.

Twelve years later and so far I haven’t had the same incident happen.

Knock on wood. 

Anywhoo. I’m sure I’ll eventually find some happy medium between multiple partners and hormone free contraception. I’ll probably end up going with the latter because I’ve only proved to myself time and time again that I can’t seem to keep it in my pants.



Categories: Just Because | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

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