When I was a kid I remember always staring at the magnets on my grandmas fridge. One of them has stuck with me throughout my life. Well two, but the other ones about credit and debt haha.
The one that I’m talking about said something along the lines of “When I’m good, I’m very good but when I’m bad I’m even better.”
I’m pretty good at being good. But it seems I’m even better at being bad. Seeing as how Carlsbad and I decided to work things out, I bid adieu to a few fellas this week. By a few I mean I’ve told 4-5 different guys so far that I’m now semi off limits. There’s a chance I may need to repeat the message once or twice more. Maybe.
I deleted my Tinder and OkCupid profiles, I say bye to my side dudes, and Ive even decided to take a break from going out all the time. I’m not doing any of this for Carlsbad, I’m doing it for me.
I’m an open book, I hide nothing. Because of this, a lot of people tend to picture me a certain way. See: party girl/wildly promiscuous. I always say that when it’s time to get serious about someone, I can. So me changing my behavior up isn’t about me proving to some dude I can be trusted. It’s about me proving to myself that I can stick to something and don’t need all the booze & dudes.
For the most part, I’m fine. But sometimes I like to get a little technical.
Like last night.
Technically Carlsbad didnt ask me to stay away from any dudes. Technically we’re not dating. Technically I’m still fucking single and can fucking do whatever I want, even if that includes fucking whoever I fucking want.
I was texting two of my formal fellows. One was already getting dressed to head out and meet me. I was feeling antsy so I was definitely going to sleep with whoever I met up with.
Ten minutes passed. Twenty minutes passed. Thirty… Forty… Fifty. Finally an hour passed from the time I had initially messaged these dudes and I just couldn’t do it. I was totally willing but I decided against it.
If I’m going to try, then I better fucking try 100%. Even though Carlsbad is the one that approached me about wanting to work things out, he’s tried about as hard as a pig rushing to the front of the line at a slaughterhouse, i.e. not at all, lol. But thats fine for the moment. He said he wanted to try and so Im letting him. If he does nothing, nothings going to happen. At least Ill be able to walk away knowing it wasnt for my lack of trying.
I’m still messaging the poet here and there but at this point its more out of habit than interest. Sounds messed up I know but what are you gonna do.
Patience has never been a virtue I possessed but if practice makes perfect, I should be good enough to wait for all eternity by the end of the week.
One…. Two…… Three…. Four…. Five….