Burnt out light bulb

About a week ago I did a post saying how infatuated I was.

Today. I’m sitting here alone in my house, fresh after a bout of some solo fun, and can tell you that I’m not. I feel absolutely nothing.

I haven’t heard from Carlsbad in about a week now. I still think about him all day though. Bugs me like crazy that I do but I don’t feel anything inside. I don’t think I fall for him every time he comes around, I fall for the idea of him.

I get drunk on the idea of what could be.

Truth be told, how can I fall for someone I know nothing about?

It’s obvious he’s either a major douche or has some major issues. Wife, baby momma, drugs, alcohol, some sort of addiction, mental instability. I have no effing clue and I honestly don’t care to know. If it’s the former and he’s just some super asshole, which is what I’m thinking, then good riddance. But if it’s the latter, I’m not sticking around to try and fix him.

I have a feeling I haven’t seen the last of him yet. In an ideal situation, I would totally date him. I wouldn’t even think twice about it. But this isn’t that ideal situation. I don’t hold grudges so I wouldn’t tell him to fuck off. Either way, no need to, he’ll fuck off on his own soon enough anyway.

I’ve thought about going back on Tinder but I really just don’t have the energy to right now. Plus, I don’t want to deal with the possibility of running in to his profile.

There’s the tinderfolk I set aside but the minute I say hello to them, I start suffocating so that’s no good.

I did see the older dude this past weekend and we kissed for a bit but nothing major. Like seriously, it was probably only like one quick kiss. Then there’s Hans Solo who made plans with me Monday, then was MIA until about 9. I had my own errands to run and figured it would go that way anyway so I was surprised when he actually texted me telling me he had to go in to work last minute.

I’m not dying to date either of these two guys or any guy right now for that matter. After all the dudes I’ve met and go on dates with, I’m left wondering how the hell anyone EVER finds someone they’re compatible with or even want to go on a second date with. It just seems like statistically, the odds are not in my favor at all.

It’ll happen soon enough.

In the meantime, instead of falling for every idea I’ll try to focus less on thoughts and more on people.

Instead of replacing the light bulb for another, I’ll just go outside and enjoy the sunshine on my skin =)


Categories: Just Because | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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