I know.

Back when Carlsbad told me he wanted to try, I knew.

Back when Carlsbad fell off the face of the earth for a few days after we had had sex and I slept over, I knew.

Back when Carlsbad stood me up, then texted me the next day asking what had happened as if I was the one who failed, I knew.

Back when I got home after our first date and wondered if and when I’d see him again, I knew.

I knew it the minute I laid my eyes on him. I knew that I’d be the one pining over him while he didn’t even bat an eyelash. I knew that I’d be the one to wear my heart on my sleeve and as a result have it trampled on. I knew that if I wanted to make it work with him, I’d have to acclimate to his environment.

But why?

Why are women always the ones to adhere to mens standards. Why are we the ones who never feel worthy enough of a mans attention? We do whatever we can to get it and the minute we have it, we feel like it must be a mistake or meant for  someone else.

Its been about 3 weeks since I last heard from Carlsbad and yet I check his Facebook and Instagram accounts daily. I hate that I do it.

I consider myself a strong, independant woman. Ive always been this way. However,  as of late I also consider myself a worthy woman filled with value and self-love without the need for anyones validation. Its taken me some time to get there, but Im there. Or am I? If I dont seek validation why am I still harboring the hope that Carlsbad will walk back into my life and sweep me off my feet?

At what point in time did women become the weaker sex? Let me rephrase. Im not saying women are better than men.

At what point in time did it become acceptable for men to assume that women for there sinply for them. For their pleasure, their enjoyment, their needs.

A good portion of men feel entitled to these so-called “rights” to women and not enough women are correcting them. If they were, we’d see less of this behavior.

I dont take offense at being stood up as a woman, I take offense as a person. Someone held such a disregard for my existence that it wasnt a big deal to bail without warning. Would a male do that to another male? Probably not without getting an earful. Yet if a woman does it, here comes the automatic eyeroll.

Im tired of being walked over and made to feel inferior because of whats in between my legs. Im not a buffet so men cant come and take what theyd like. If they want to be with me, theyre going to get allllllll of me. And if someone cant respect me as an equal, then they can take that misogynistic outdated thinking back to the cretaceous era and fossilize along with the dinosaurs. 

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Categories: Just Because | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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