I’m in love with love.
If Im being honest, its not love Im in love with, but the idea of it. Love itself scares me and shakes me to my core.
Whenever people say theyve never loved someone or been in love, I thought it was impossible. Surely theyve felt it at least once, even if it was for a minute.
I’ve loved 3 different men in my life.
Or so I thought I did.
It wasnt until recently that I questioned if what I felt was truly love. While it may have been I now know for certain that Ive yet to encounter that one true love. Of course its possible to love many people, but I think we all experience that one love so great and so powerful that our entire beings are forever changed. Theres no doubt about whether it was or wasnt, you know that you have encountered this force that will remain with you until you pass from this earth. Who knows, maybe it even follows you into your next life. Can you imagine a love that grand? So big that it spans through several reincarnations.
The idea of it all warms my insides but when confronted with the possibility of it, I can fear tears welling up out of fear alone.
Ive been hurt in the past and Id hate to go through heartbreak again. My fear doesnt come from the idea of being sad. It stems from the knowledge that if I were to allow myself to truly let myself fall in love, Id be consumed entirely by it. The feeling is more than anything Ive ever experienced or felt in my entire life.
Im not saying Im in love or that Im falling. Ive simply been in a situation where Ive gotten close enough to catch a glimpse of what could be and it is the single most exciting and frightening thing Ive ever felt in my entire life.
Ive never been one to be patient but if what I tasted was simply a fraction of how grand love can be, then I wouldnt mind waiting for it to come around. It as in a love that grand, not as in a person. Dont get too excited, Im not seeing anyone nor is there any true potential out there for me at the moment.
Anywhoo, thats all. Off to le gym I go.