Just Because

Breakfast dating

Coffee meets bagel.

Am I the coffee or am I the bagel? What if I prefer juice with my bagel? What if I prefer my coffee straight, or with a donut?

I erased my OkCupid account after some repeated negligence on my behalf. Match still wants my money and I definitely don’t want to go back to the parched fellows at POF or Tinder.

So I tried CMB.

So far, it’s definitely more my pace. I don’t feel obligated to swipe any which way or to respond to any messages. Hell, the only way there is even an option for messaging is if both parties are interested.

Also, you only get 1 match at a time for a period of 12 hours. So if I completely forget to log in for a bit, I won’t have missed much.

I’ve been uninterested in every of the matches Ive gotten so far but at least Im still “trying.” Lol

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Ill have my birth control with a side of nonstop bleeding please

Ok, that title may have been a bit much.

I went back on birth control after a few too many close calls. As life would have it, I have had not sex at all since then. Which is pretty much the number 1 reason I was opposed to even being on bc in the first place.

I dont have sex.

I know this blog would say otherwise but aside from the string of hookups last year, I’m actually pretty abstinent. Im not against sex or anything, its pretty awesome. I just am over the random hookups and the booty calls and the one-night stands.

Anyhow this wasnt the point of this post. Birth control is to prevent an unplanned birth from unprotected sex. Which we’ve now established Im not having any of.

Im not into putting hormones in my body if I dont need to. And now on top of that, Ive been spotting pretty much nonstop for the past month.

First month = no period.
Second month = kiss all your underwear goodbye.

Its never enough to merit actually inserting a tampon (or so I think) and then suddenly every day every single pair of underwear is ruined. Even if I wanted to wear tampons just to be on the safe side, I wouldve contracted a serious case of TSS already! And dont even get me started on pads. (Complete sidenote, Ive recently found mooncups! Looks very hippyish to me BUT Im definitely intrigued)

Ive been wanting to schedule a pap for a while now but how can I? I get that the gyno must be used to it and its not like shes going in bare handed but still!

A bunch of women online seem to have the same issue, in some cases worse, but its just not worth it to me.

IM NOT HAVING SEX! Can someone explain why the hell Im bleeding day after day simply for the convienance of having unprotected sex for the guys sake if and when I ever do decide to have sex?!

NO, THANK YOU!

Id schedule an appt but Im so busy at work that I cant afford to take time off and god forbid that any businesses decide to stay open outside business hours. How do people ever get anything done?!

I know this sounds like a rant but its not.

Spotting is just killing my nonexistent underwear game.

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Bipolar express

I obviously don’t know what the hell I want and can’t make up my mind.

I signed up for OkCupid & Match. Since I did I’ve probably cared to check my profile about 2-3 times. I’ve responded to my messages just so my account would state I actually responded.

But the truth is, I couldn’t care less about these people and I’ve no interest in meeting any of them.

Too much effort. That and I still think meeting ppl online is beyond weird.

When and where can I get my spinster starter kit?

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Good one universe

One of my absolute favorite quotes is “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

After I posted my last post I logged into my Starbucks app on my phone and had a message. It said the following.

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Well played Universe, well played.

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Let love in

Growing up my mom would always tell me, “Déjate querer.” Coming from my mother I always understood it to mean that I should let myself be sought after, that any body that wanted my affection should work for it, I shouldn’t give it so freely. And coming from her background, I know that’s how she meant it.

But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that this isn’t the meaning that holds true for my life.

As many words have multiple meanings, this saying also has multiple meanings.

Querer literally means to want something. Quiero esa manzana: I want that apple. But it is also a way of expressing your love. Te quiero: I love you.

When I hear “Déjate querer” I don’t hear my mothers advice of playing hard to get, I hear what the universe needs me to hear, and that’s to let myself be loved.

Until recently, I didn’t realize this was an issue for me. When I love, I love completely and I have no need to hold it back. But letting myself be loved is a whole other issue. I sabatoge myself, push people away, and become extremely guarded when any sort of interest sparks. When did I start doing this? I have no effing idea. Why? I haven’t the slightest clue.

I’m not much of a social butterfly anymore so I often wonder how Im supposed to meet people. If I’m out and a guy approaches me, I immediately shut him down. When I was online and a guy messaged me, I was counting down the seconds till he showed that he was only interested in sex or was uber creepy. I look for flaws to justify why they’re still single. I know why I’m single but what about you? Why are you so horrible that you’re available?

I’m not making it very easy I suppose.

Last night I met a friends new beau/current love interest. They met 2 weeks ago. Online. He came to a work-related event, met all her friends, made an effort to hang with them all after, and made plans for their attendance at another upcoming (see: October) work-related event. Not once did I think any of it was feigned or that he was creepy.

My co-worker (yes, the one I drunkenly had sex with. A few times. Because adults can totally do that and be cool and not weird and still be friends) met his girlfriend online. (Actually, I have yet to confirm but I’m about 99.9% positive this is how it happened). She moved here, met him about a week later, started calling him her boyfriend about a month in, and is now living with him. This is all within a matter of months (they met in late Sept.). While things may have happened a bit untraditionally for them, they both love each other and are making it work.

I’m not envious of either situation, I’m happy for both of them.

As I said in my previous post, I truly am happy and am totally fine with being single.

I’ve stopped having any form of communication with any guy I knew was just interested in hooking up. Not because I’m a prude but I’m just not interested. Why string them along when I know I won’t be crawling into any of their beds anytime soon?

When I look at my friends and their significant others, I dont yearn for a relationship, for someone to carry on my arm and proudly show off like some trophy. What I yearn for is to have someone to share something with. Be it experiences, success, or just a funny gif. Part of the excitement of new relationships is getting to know the other person.

Everything with me is either 0 or 100 but right now I think all I want is something smack in the middle. No random sexcapades but no commitments either.

I can’t expect for things to just happen on their own so short of me going up to random guys and asking if they’d be interested in getting to know me, I guess I’ll just have to go back online. And maybe actually stay online this time. I think maybe the longest I’ve had a profile up is about 3 weeks.

Maybe it’ll work, maybe it won’t but either way I could use the practice.  Maybe this will be the year that I learn to let love in.

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Are you happy?

As humans we have somehow learned to always feel like we are missing something. The grass is always greener on the other side and there’s always something better out there for us.

Is this a universal thing or belonging solely to the land of the free and home of the brave?

I once congratulated a friend who had recently gotten married by telling him I was happy he had settled down. He rejected my message and told me he refused to say he has settled because it demoted his wife from the amazing being she is to nothing more than a runner-up.

When we ask people if they’re happy we don’t do it expecting them to say yes, we ask because we’re certain that they’re not and we just want to hear them say it out loud. When did we learn that happiness was simply unattainable?

Because of my age and my singleness, I constantly am seen as unhappy. As if my level of happiness can only rise so high on my own, I couldn’t possibly level up until I have a partner.

I have learned over the years that you can’t rely on anyone to bring you happiness, it has to come from within.

Am I totally single? Yes.
Am I going to keep being single? Probably for a while.
Am I happy? Hell yes!

More than happy, I am content, my own constant state of peaceful happiness. I am totally and completely satisfied with every area my life. I may not be exactly where I’d like but there’s no need to stress about it because I know I’m working to get there.

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Is going stag still a thing?

I don’t have plans for NYE.

I don’t mind staying in at home, having some bubbly, and watching some movies. I prefer it actually.

Some coworkers of mine are having a small get together at a loft downtown and my friend asked me along.

I’m not exactly jumping up and down to go. At this point if I can find someone to go with, I wouldnt mind going. Otherwise, I think Im going to pass. I dont want to take a friend and booze it up and spend the beginning of the year hungover. I also dont want to take a guy and make him think Im trying to be serious by spending a holiday together.

What Id really like is to take someone Ive maybe gone out with once or twice, that can hold a conversation. Just someone who probably isnt planning on doing anything NYE either and wouldnt mind not doing anything around a bunch of randos lol.

I asked Carlsbad and got a “Oh thanks. How sweet of you.” which Im going to intrepret as a “no.”

Looks like it’ll be a party of one for Netflix!

Wooooooo, turnt up!

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Forever a booty call

One guy won’t stop snapchatting me pictures of his dick.

Another texts/calls me at least 2-3 times a week anytime between 12 am- 7 am, and no, he does not work graveyard.

And of course, we all know about Carlsbad,  Mr. Hit It & Quit It in the flesh.

*Yawn*

I’d rather stab my eyes out with a dildo than go through another year of this nonsense. Hell, another couple months.

I’m not trying to settle down and Im definitely not expecting anyone to come and sweep me off my feet. But is it that hard to find someone to actually have a conversation with. Fuck your past, I aint tryna get to know all of your secrets and act like I know you better than everyone else. I’m just trying to hold a conversation that stimulates my mind past the usual “ooga booga.”

Le sigh.

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Ni come, ni deja comer

Why.

That’s all I want to know.

If Carlsbad doesn’t want to pursue anything with me, WHY doesn’t he leave me the hell alone. And if he is as interested as he says he is, then WHY the hell does he ghost every other week.

After my post the other day about telling these guys I wasn’t interested, I had decided I simply was going to ignore Carlsbad. No need to be rude but just let it be known that I wasn’t going to play along anymore.

Then yesterday he started following me on Instagram.

It’s not a big deal. My life does not revolve around social media. However, let it be known that since this whole rollercoaster started, we have friended/unfriended, followed/unfollowed, and blocked each other from just about every single social media account possible.  I’ve lost count. I just unblocked him from my personal FB account a few days ago and Im still blocked from his Snapchat.

This is all incredibly stupid I know.

Here’s what drives me nuts though. He’ll go through his silent treatments, and then when he wants to reach back out again, he’ll start liking all my social media activity.

If that’s his way of testing the waters, let me just say that all he does is rile the waters terribly.

What kind of sick, cyberstalker shit is this!?

Either tell me what you want or leave me be! I’ve had enough of the uncertainty and the yo-yo’ing. How am I ever supposed to move on if all this dude ever does is loosen up the line only to reel me back in!!! Do people take some sort of sick pleasure in doing this to others or is he really that unsure of what the hell he wants.

Please universe, guide me away from this dudes path. It’s not fair and frankly, I just can’t do this anymore.

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This Is How We Date Now

This.

Thought Catalog

Franca GimenezFranca Gimenez

We don’t commit now. We don’t see the point. They’ve always said there are so many fish in the sea, but never before has that sea of fish been right at our fingertips on OkCupid, Tinder, Grindr, Dattch, take your pick. We can order up a human being in the same way we can order up pad thai on Seamless. We think intimacy lies in a perfectly-executed string of emoji. We think effort is a “good morning” text. We say romance is dead, because maybe it is, but maybe we just need to reinvent it. Maybe romance in our modern age is putting the phone down long enough to look in each other’s eyes at dinner. Maybe romance is deleting Tinder off your phone after an incredible first date with someone. Maybe romance is still there, we just don’t know what it looks like now.

When we choose—if…

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