Sexcapades

It’s happening!

I’m finally going to have a threesome!!!!!!!!

Yes, I’m probably a lot more excited than I need to be but you would be too if you were going to get to enjoy two dicks at once! Ok, maybe not. Maybe that’s just me. Haha.

I know how plans usually like to fall through BUT I have hope that these won’t. Last night I slept with a dude I’ve fucked a few times before. We were at his house and I was soooooooooooo horny that I kept bugging him for us to find a third for the night. He has a female friend but to be honest, I didn’t want to deal with changing condoms or waiting for my turn. Fuck that, I want to be pleased without having to please. Hahahaha yes, I’m selfish.

We tried looking for bi guys on OkCupid but didn’t find any =(.

There’s this dude who I met awhile back who I was supposed to do alll sorts of things with but have never been able to. He’s finally free Tuesday and my friend is always willing so it looks like we may have a takeoff!

Honestly, it’s been awhile since I’ve had anal and I’m not sure I can take two dicks in one hole at the same time BUT I’m all for figuring it all out then. If anything, I’ll have two dicks to play with and two mouths to go down on me so I’m happy.

Yes, I plan on going down on them too. I’m not THAT selfish.

I’m so excited you’d think it was Christmas morning! Or that I was a fat person first in line at a Krispy Kreme grand opening.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

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Sunday Bloody Sunday

I’ve always wondered what it was like to have period sex. Not because I’m interested in what it feels like to have sex while your vagina is bleeding but because I’ve wondered what kind of guy wouldn’t mind. One guy I used to date was always up for sex, bloody or not. I never took him up on his offer because duh.

I’ve also always wondered what it was like to have your cherry popped. Aka have your hymen tear and as a result, bleed a bit.

Well, thank you Universe because I no longer have to wonder about either of those situations.

I spent some time this weekend with The Contender.  I still am as unsure of what’s going on there as I was last week but at least now I can say I’ve definitely seen more to him.

I had agreed to sleep over Sunday night so it was only obvious we were going to have sex. I say that as matter-of-fact but honestly, up to that point we hadn’t so much as kissed so I wasn’t entirely sure. But we did so haha, I was right.

Because of all the uncertainty on my end with where this relationship was or wasn’t going, I was sorta hoping he’d be a bad lay or have some horrendous penis so that I could use that as an excuse as to not to have to talk to him anymore. That backfired on me real quick.

We had sex three times and I gave him the mother of all blow jobs. Like seriously, I actually had tears by the end of it. I outdid myself which was an incredibly hard thing to do.

Anywhoo, that’s not the point.

When I first saw his cock dick penis, I of course noticed its girth. What I failed to notice however is how this would measure up once inside me.

That moment at initial penetration is always a surprise. A bit more of a surprise than I was expecting but I thought nothing of it, so we continued.

The sex was amazing and then it was over. Wanting more, we dived right in to a second bout. Again, it was amazing.

This time however, I was brought out of my post coital stupor real quick at the utterance of two words, “You’re bleeding.”

Kill me now.

The only experiences I’ve had with bloody sex were early on in my sexual life, and they were both with the same guy, see: asshole, so needless to say they were negative and I’ve been scarred since.

I have no way to save face at this point so I quickly state that I’m probably still spotting because I just ended my period two days before. True. But why the hell would I be spotting TWO days after. One, maybe, but two? I checked the sheets and nada, phew safe!

He doesn’t seem at all fazed by any of it but I’m of course dying of embarrassmnet. Damn you body for turning against me!

Still thinking I’m spotting I go to the bathroom to clean up and notice that it’s not the usual dark, brownish hue  at the end of your period but vibrant, rich red. WTF, I’VE BEEN HIT! MAN DOWN!!

It’s not gushing out or anything so I think I’m ok.

We go to sleep, end of story.

Fast forward to about 4 a.m.

Who doesn’t like to wake up in the middle of the night for groggy sex?! Half the time I’m still dreaming haha but it’s still amazing just the same.

Again, amazing sex and again, blood.

Bright red fucking blood!

By this time I’m starting to wonder why the fuck of all nights my body has decided to shun me. Or maybe in some bizarre joke, the universe has decided to return my V card to me. At no point has it occurred to me that hey, maybe, just maybe, this guys dick is too wide for my fucking vagina!

Of course when I get back in bed he asks if Im still bleeding. Kinda ridiculous question to ask considering I’d just seen the bloodied condom in the bano. And so I tell him, “Uh, I think you’re too big for me.”

Pause here.

TOO BIG FOR ME.

Let that sink in guys, and I mean guys as in people with dicks not in general. As much as guys joke about this all the time in the hopes that their dicks are the biggest in the world, it is actually VERY possible for this to happen.

Apparently the guy thought I was stroking his ego. I like to think I’m nice, I’m not THAT nice lol.

Let me just clarify, I’ve had sex. Like a lot of fucking sex. With a lot of fucking people. NEVER in my life has this EVER happened to me. And I’ve even owned some pretty girthy toys.

Being so wide that you make your partners vagina bleed. That’s gonna be a hard one to top.

I’m guessing he’s never torn anyones vaginal tissues before either because he was just as surprised as I was.

I was kinda paranoid on the way home the next morning but of course I looked it up and it was exactly as I had thought. No worries there. The interwebz just says to lube up next time.

Yes, I said next. Did I stutter? I’d be a mad woman to not go back to that! Hahahaha don’t judge me.

Looks like I need to stock up on some KY.

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Drier than the Atacama

Ok, not exactly true but I just realized my sexcapades posts have been lacking. Not for lack of sex but for lack of story-sharing sex.

While sex is pretty amazing 99.9% of the time, it doesn’t always translate in text. There’s only so many times you can say you rode some guys face while he ate as if it was his last meal before it starts to sound boring or like you’re bragging.

Oh, you know, just another Monday hahahahaha.

 

 

 

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Nature’s Bed Sheets

Sex isn’t always limited to a bedroom. Sometimes it just happens. I like to think I’m pretty vanilla sometimes but I guess maybe not as much as I think. So here’s a random compilation of where stuff has happened. This is what I remember.

  • I once got fingered at a busy transit station. Wasn’t wearing a dress. Kudos to that dude’s MacGyverness.
  • Sex on the beach, because duh.
  • Hand jobs/Road head don’t even count at this point. If they did I’d have to include a map.
  • Backseat of the car, again because duh. However, a few times it was broad daylight and maybe even one of those times was in front of my mothers house.
  • Rite-Aid pharmacy parking lot – a girl once went down on me in the backseat of mt friends car annnnd I once rode a dude while my friend was standing next to the car. Same parking lot. Sorry!
  • Corn maze during the day, and there may have been groups of people actively going through the maze at the time.
  • Some picnic tables over by a major park/lake.
  • I once gave a guy a bj in the backseat of my friends car, while he was sitting in the front seat. He definitely tried to join in but the dude wasn’t having it haha.
  • Unisex bar bathroom
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You Want Me To Do WHAT?!

If you’ve haven’t noticed by now, I am fairly open when it comes to sex. What’s normal to me may not be normal to someone else, and just because I’m open to discussing it, it in no way means I’m open to try everything or that I sleep with anyone I can.

I used to host a sex talk show and whenever it comes up, I swear I can see the guy immediately start making a list of what he thinks I’ll say yes to. Have I had a lot of sex? Yes. Have I had many partners? I guess that depends on who you ask. However, I still expect to be treated with respect and there are some things I just won’t do. I’m not here on this earth for the simple purpose of bringing pleasure to whoever seeks it out.

Experimentation is the bedroom is great and I think everyone should try it, so long as you have a partner you trust and you both are okay with it. Consent is everything!

Now with online dating it seems that most guys ask what I will or won’t do before even determining whether or not they want to meet up. No big, I’ll just be here at home binging on Netflix in the meantime.

  • Anal. This is like the #1 request for most guys. Yes, I’ve tried it, yes I’ll probably do it again. Just probably not with you haha.
  • Threesome. Top #2 request. Two guys, most definitely. Two girls, only if she already prefers the company of women. If I’m going to be sleeping with two people at once I want to maximize pleasure. Pour moi, duh.
  • Double headed dildos. Sure why not, who am I to judge what you put inside your body.
  • Strap-ons. Fuck yes. As much as men demean women with their goddamn cocks in porn, you think I’m not going to take the first chance I get and do it to men too? I don’t care if it’s not real, you’re putting it in your mouth and you will enjoy it dammit!
  • Water sports. No thanks. Pass.
  • Bondage. I’ve tied a few guys up before so sure. Tie me up? Not unless I know I won’t end up in a trunk or on The First 48
  • Foot fetishes. Hmmm, I dunno. This one I’ll have to think about. Some guy recently asked if he could fuck me in the ass while I sucked on his toes. Fellas, some of you have some crusty ass feet. Scratching up against me during sex is one thing, but now you want me to voluntarily put it in my mouth and suck on it?! Check back with me later.
  • Milking. This is strictly for the dudes. It’s prostate stimulation and last I checked women don’t have prostates. This I don’t mind but again, depends on the partner. I’m not going up there if you had a beefy burrito for lunch.
  • Rimming. Receiving end? Sure, why not. Giving end, see above.
  • Sex in public. See Nature’s Bed Sheets.
  • Cum swapping. Instead of swallowing a dude’s load, I’d share it with him in a kiss. Hmm considering I swallow so I don’t have to keep it in my mouth longer than a millisecond, I don’t know about this one. Definitely not on my face or in my hair, but in a dudes mouth, hmm maybe.
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