Posts Tagged With: okcupid

Bipolar express

I obviously don’t know what the hell I want and can’t make up my mind.

I signed up for OkCupid & Match. Since I did I’ve probably cared to check my profile about 2-3 times. I’ve responded to my messages just so my account would state I actually responded.

But the truth is, I couldn’t care less about these people and I’ve no interest in meeting any of them.

Too much effort. That and I still think meeting ppl online is beyond weird.

When and where can I get my spinster starter kit?


Categories: Just Because | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

One mississippi… two mississippi

When I was a kid I remember always staring at the magnets on my grandmas fridge. One of them has stuck with me throughout my life. Well two, but the other ones about credit and debt haha.

The one that I’m talking about said something along the lines of “When I’m good, I’m very good but when I’m bad I’m even better.”

I’m pretty good at being good. But it seems I’m even better at being bad. Seeing as how Carlsbad and I decided to work things out, I bid adieu to a few fellas this week. By a few I mean I’ve told 4-5 different guys so far that I’m now semi off limits. There’s a chance I may need to repeat the message once or twice more. Maybe.

I deleted my Tinder and OkCupid profiles, I say bye to my side dudes, and Ive even decided to take a break from going out all the time. I’m not doing any of this for Carlsbad, I’m doing it for me.

I’m an open book, I hide nothing. Because of this, a lot of people tend to picture me a certain way. See: party girl/wildly promiscuous. I always say that when it’s time to get serious about someone, I can. So me changing my behavior up isn’t about me proving to some dude I can be trusted. It’s about me proving to myself that I can stick to something and don’t need all the booze & dudes.

For the most part, I’m fine. But sometimes I like to get a little technical.

Like last night.

Technically Carlsbad didnt ask me to stay away from any dudes. Technically we’re not dating. Technically I’m still fucking single and can fucking do whatever I want, even if that includes fucking whoever I fucking want.

I was texting two of my formal fellows. One was already getting dressed to head out and meet me. I was feeling antsy so I was definitely going to sleep with whoever I met up with.

Ten minutes passed. Twenty minutes passed. Thirty… Forty… Fifty. Finally an hour passed from the time I had initially messaged these dudes and I just couldn’t do it. I was totally willing but I decided against it.

If I’m going to try, then I better fucking try 100%. Even though Carlsbad is the one that approached me about wanting to work things out, he’s tried about as hard as a pig rushing to the front of the line at a slaughterhouse, i.e. not at all, lol. But thats fine for the moment. He said he wanted to try and so Im letting him. If he does nothing, nothings going to happen. At least Ill be able to walk away knowing it wasnt for my lack of trying.

I’m still messaging the poet here and there but at this point its more out of habit than interest. Sounds messed up I know but what are you gonna do.

Patience has never been a virtue I possessed but if practice makes perfect, I should be good enough to wait for all eternity by the end of the week.

One…. Two…… Three…. Four…. Five….

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I’m scared shitless

Oh my, what an interesting turn of events.

Just yesterday I posted about all the guys I was potentially dating. In the first guys description I said I would probably drop everything had he popped back up. I was joking. Not because I didnt mean it but because we weren’t talking anymore and him popping back up would be like me getting eaten by a dinosaur. It just wasnt going to happen.

If you’ve been following me for a bit or have suddenly binge read all my posts, you’ll see that I’ve talked about this guy in sevvvvvveral posts (The Contender, Sunday Bloody Sunday, something about me wanting to date him, and one about me telling him to fuck off).

From really early on, I liked this guy. Our first date only solidified these feelings. But in the months or so that we talked and hung out after, it was all over the place. Sometimes I wouldnt hear from him for days and other times it was nonstop. It was definitely the most confused I had ever been. I decided if I wanted to stay sane I had to cut him loose, so I did. I bid him adieu and blocked him on Tinder and Instagram, and I erased his phone number and all messages.

After about a week I unblocked him on Insta thinking a) he’d never notice he wasnt following me anymore and b)even if he did notice he wouldnt be dumb enough to follow me again. My profile isnt private so if he wanted to creep he could do so without me ever knowing.

But no.

Two nights ago I logged on and saw that not only had he started following me, he went and liked some of my pictures. For a second I was flattered but I quickly became upset. How dare he just fucking pop back up and leave proof that he had been visiting my page?! Couldn’t he just do it without letting me know?!

I was still pretty pissed about it yesterday so I went through my phone to see if I could somehow find his number. I then messaged him asking what the hell he was thinking.

I know this sounds a bit ridic considering its just another follower but it was about the principle. I had made it clear I was done with him so why come back?!

Of course, we then ended up texting for hours and hours.

I told him I was upset and I was done with him and all that jazz. What does he come back with? 

I wasn’t sure what u wanted.  U werent exactly very clear with me either. But I do like you and if it could work between us, I’d be stoked.

Cuz I started to miss you

I feel like u like to go out and date and have fun and even if I tried to make it work, you’d still want to keep doing that.

I wanna try

That and a whole lot of other stuff. How is he going to pop back up and drop a load on me like that?! I’ve been dating, I’ve been thinking about him less, I havent reached out to him. Why now?! Why at all??!?!?!

I thought about it all day.

I’m STILL thinking about it now but what’s done is done.

I told him ok, I said he could try.

I know some of you may not agree with me. Hell, I know none of my friends or family would even agree with me. I’ve already been hurt because of all the confusion with this guy and all the yo-yo’ing. I’ve already moved on and started seeing other people, people who probably already think we’re officially dating.

But at the end of the day, he’s still the guy I think about and the one I want to be with. I know I’m probably setting myself up to get hurt but I have to try.

The whole point of me trying online dating is so I could find someone to date. I found someone I genuinely like and Im supposed to place him aside for a safer bet?

It sucks, it really does. This can go either way but I wont know unless I try.

I’m not holding my breath or getting my hopes up, I’m just gonna sit back and let things unfold on their own.

As it is I’m always pretty skeptical and a bit removed. Now in this case I feel like I have to be extra cautious. I’m scared shitless. Just thinking about it makes my throat close up.

I’m hoping it all works out but even if it doesn’t, I can always go back on Tinder or OkC and at least I’ll be able to say, I tried.

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I’m seeing someone

Ha, just kidding.

Although, if that statement were to apply to me it’d be closer to a few someones, not just one.

The way I see it, I’m single and what I do in my life is no ones business but my own. I’m not dating as many people as possible because I need or want attention, because I’m trying to score a free dinner or drinks, or because I’m a sex addict. I’m testing the waters. There’s no way of knowing whether I’m going to click with someone unless I hang with them. So that’s what I’m doing. Except it’s all at once. Kinda.

I once told a dude I wasn’t a serial dater buuuut I’m not so sure anymore.

Ideally, I just want to eventually meet someone who I can hang with. I’ve been given that but as life would have it, I’m just not that interested.

Instead of getting into specifics, I’m just gonna go ahead and break it down from maybe to probably never gonna happen. Being on OkCupid & Tinder there’s always a revolving door of nameless faces but these following dudes have stayed relevant for more than a few days so kudos to them.

The Maybes
In a perfect world under other circumstances these dudes would be #1 picks. I’m pretty sure it’s not gonna happen but I’ll still try.

Tapeworm/Carlsbad: Ugh. This guy. This guy was all sorts of wrong and yet I kept pressing forward. I say was because I don’t talk to him anymore. Some things wont work no matter how hard you want them to. I really did like this dude and as much as I hate it, he still consumes my thoughts on a daily basis. Ok, maybe not evvvvvery day. I blocked him on Tinder & Instagram a few weeks back. I unblocked him on Insta and what do you know. As of last night he started following me again and liked a few of my pictures. As any self-respecting woman I should never even give this guy the time of day but if we’re being honest, I would probably drop everything if he asked.

The Poet: Never have I tanked a date so badly or made such a fool of myself than I have with this guy. I blame it on a lack of sleep. No lie, I brought up a past conversation and immediately realized the conversation had been held with someone entirely different. Whoops. He brushed it off. He’s only a few years older than me but has a trio of children. I want to like him and have hung out with him two nights in a row until the wee hours of the morning, buuuut I just dont see it happening.

The Navy Guy: Hung out with this guy and was actually met with more than I expected. I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. In the short time I’ve known him he’s already shown to be all about me and has even stopped checking his OkC profile. He’s just a bit too mellow for me.

Hans Solo: This dude I’ve yet to meet. We started talking a few weeks ago and then he went MIA. Reappeared again and we just havent been able to meet up. I’m definitely interested in this guy, even if it is just to check out a reading nook he built for himself. First time he invited me over, my car was blocked in the driveway. The next time, my phone died before I could tell him what time I’d be free that night, and the last time I went on a last minute trip out of town.

Still a maybe, but probably never gonna happen
The old guy: Probably not the best nickname lol. Ten years older than me and Im strangely attracted. At first I thought just to hookup, then I considered for an actual date. We planned it and everything but as it got closer I got uber self conscious about being out with him since he was obviously older than me. His beard is heavily salt&peppered and I look younger than my age. Super shallow I know. I still tried to go through with it but then circumstances just didnt let it happen. So I ended up hanging with the navy guy and the poet instead. Not together, just kinda back to back. Yes I had 2 back to back “dates.” No shame. I saw this guy the day after we were supposed to hang, hes a bouncer at a bar I go to. We awkwardly greeted annnnnd to make things even weirder, the poet showed up to hang as well. I felt bad the entire night, especially because the poet was touchyfeely. Ive since messaged the old dude and apologized. I even told him Id still be interested in hanging. I was rightfully ignored for a few days. No big lol.

Il Italiano:  This guy has held on for somewhere around 3 months now and we’ve never even met! I keep forgetting all about him and then he pops up again. Kudos to this guy for his persistence.

I keep thinking one of these dudes will do something to stand out above the others so I can get rid of all the excess. Doesnt look like its gonna happen and so long as I keep thinking about effing Tapeworm, it probably wouldn’t work anyway. I’ll just keep hanging with them in the meantime I guess. Here’s to hoping I don’t hurt anyones feelings in the process.

Categories: No Bueno | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Quantity vs Quality

Last post today I swear.

So since I’ve stopped talking to the ahole of a dude, I’ve gone back to my carefree ways. A little too carefree considering I thought about trying to go out on a date and sleep with a different dude each day this week. I totally could if I wanted to. BUT I won’t.

Anywhoo, so I’ve gone back to talking to more dudes than I know what to do with. My theory. What I do in my life is no ones business but my own. If any of the dudes I’m talking to would like to know about my dating habits I have nothing to hide and will gladly tell them.

I’m not sleeping with anyone on the regular so it’s not like I’m sleeping around. Even so, I wear a rubber each time. Wait, I’m not the one with the dick but you know what I mean.

The minute I sense some seriousness with any of these dudes, I’ll stop talking to all the others. Hell, I’ll even get rid of my Tinder and OkCupid accounts. Granted, I do realize that maybe why I’m still single IS because I do this shit buuuuuuut whatever.

I’m just worried that at one point I’m going to be out with one and run into another. I’d introduce them to each other and probably still get away with seeing them both simultaneously.

God, this is going to get me in trouble.

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It’s happening!

I’m finally going to have a threesome!!!!!!!!

Yes, I’m probably a lot more excited than I need to be but you would be too if you were going to get to enjoy two dicks at once! Ok, maybe not. Maybe that’s just me. Haha.

I know how plans usually like to fall through BUT I have hope that these won’t. Last night I slept with a dude I’ve fucked a few times before. We were at his house and I was soooooooooooo horny that I kept bugging him for us to find a third for the night. He has a female friend but to be honest, I didn’t want to deal with changing condoms or waiting for my turn. Fuck that, I want to be pleased without having to please. Hahahaha yes, I’m selfish.

We tried looking for bi guys on OkCupid but didn’t find any =(.

There’s this dude who I met awhile back who I was supposed to do alll sorts of things with but have never been able to. He’s finally free Tuesday and my friend is always willing so it looks like we may have a takeoff!

Honestly, it’s been awhile since I’ve had anal and I’m not sure I can take two dicks in one hole at the same time BUT I’m all for figuring it all out then. If anything, I’ll have two dicks to play with and two mouths to go down on me so I’m happy.

Yes, I plan on going down on them too. I’m not THAT selfish.

I’m so excited you’d think it was Christmas morning! Or that I was a fat person first in line at a Krispy Kreme grand opening.



Categories: Sexcapades | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Daddy day care

My newest attraction it would seem, is dudes in their 30s with kids.

I’ve always thought seeing a single dad around the way was hot. They just look so helpless and the fact that they’re trying makes me just want to rip their clothes off and mount them. Not around the kids of course. I’ve just never pursued any dads. Or “men.”

For me, the thought of a man isn’t based on what society says a man is but rather, their look and age and ruggedness I guess.

There’s this bouncer at a bar I frequent and since the day I first saw him, I thought he was attractive. This dude was definitely a man. Someones dad. Not some boy, guy, dude, or manchild.

This weekend I was at the bar and after hanging with the unblessed dude (see: Tweezers) I went back to the bar a little frustrated and horny. I looked at the bouncer and thought, why not. I walked over and tried to be coy. Coy isn’t exactly my style so that lasted all of 2 seconds before I told him I thought he was hot, wanted to go home with him, and kissed him.

He’s 39, single, and the father of twins.

After making out a few times I gave him my number and have to admit I was a bit bummed when I didn’t hear from him the next day. Oh whoops, the next day was Fathers Day. This dude wasn’t out celebrating HIS dad, he was out being celebrated.

I finally heard from him Monday and have been texting him ever since. I initially thought I’d just text him to meet up with him late one night to have some ravenous sex. Turns out we have a date Friday.

This dudes beard is like 80% gray. He’s closer to my dad’s age than he is mine. And I’m going out on a fucking date with him? When the fuck did my tastes include fucking men who are more worried about their cholesterol levels than their Saturday night plans?!

As if that wasn’t enough, I just started talking to another dude from OkCupid who is mid-30s and has THREE kids, two of those who also happen to be twins!

I tried messaging some other super hot single dad on OkC but all I got was a “thanks.” Pffffft.

I don’t know if this is just some weird phase I’m going through or as my sister said, “I’m that desperate.” Lmao I’m all for messing u psome sheets with all of these fine gentlemen, but it’s the being out in public together and seeing the kids that’s freaking me out a bit.

These are grown ass men! Shit, I live at my moms house and for the most part, hang out in Hello Kitty pajamas all day.

I don’t know how all this is gonna go down but stay tuned. Please do not let this end in me driving a minivan around and spending my weekends at Costco.

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I broke 20k

I’m both ashamed and proud of todays achievement.

I showed up in more than 20,000 search results on OkCupid in the last 24 hours.

I opened an account for the bajillionth time about a week or two ago. I had been neglecting my account and as a result my numbers were low. I was only showing up in like 100 or so search results.

Well apparently if you’re actually online and “active” OkC will boost those numbers.  I like a good challenge as much as the next person so I wanted to see how much higher I could push those numbers. I started last night and for the past 24 hours or so, not counting my sleeping hours obvs,  I’ve been logging on every couple of hours and messing with the sitr just to boost my numbers. I wanted to see how high I could get it.

The last time I had my account I had gotten an email from OkC around 11k saying I was hot shit and they were only gng to show me prime matches. I’m paraphrasing of course. So today I just wanted to keep going until I got the email.  I still havent gotten an email :(.

I’m pretty sure my numbers will be drastically reduced by the time I wake up and even though I’m showing up in all these search results I’m still not getting any messages. Boo.

Oh well.

One small victory for my otherwise unproductive Friday.


Categories: Just Because | Tags: | 2 Comments

There you are!

So I’ve been sort of MIA this past week or two. Sowwy! I just need some time to deal with my feelings. Ugh. *shudder*

If you’ve been following me at all you might have seen that I was maybe sort of partially falling for the last dude I picked up online. That sounds so incredibly horrible. Things have been all over the place and I was never really sure what was going on with him so I put some distance between us. As of yesterday, we’ve sort of started talking again. I brushed my feelings off, I’m good.

Instead of posting some adolescent ass tween posts like, “OHMYGAWWWWWD YOU GUIIIIIISE I’M LIKE TOTALLLLLLLY INTO HIIIIIIMMMMMM ❤ ❤ <3”  I figured I’d just stay the fuck away from the interwebz until that shit passed.

Am I the only one that turns into a 13 year old girl every now and then? Usually I’m quite calm and collected but then I’ll slip up and that headgear wearing teeny bopper comes out raging and makes me look like an idiot. I didn’t date a whole lot growing up so I don’t know if that’s the cause for it or if hormones & emotions just fuck every grown ass women up every so often.

I’m not ashamed, shit happens, what are you gonna do?

I’m back on OkCupid. I keep forgetting I’m on though so I don’t pay much attention to it and then when I am on I don’t even look at matches, I just answer questions to boost my numbers. It’s a numbers game and I want to have the highest views hahahaha. I think I’ve messaged one person and ignored just about every message that has been sent my way. And before you go and tell me about the people that are actually taking online dating seriously and all that jazz, don’t worry. The folks that really do want to find “love” or whatever are probably on the sites that make you pay a premium, safe from me haha.

Anywhoo. Just wanted to give you all an update. I wasn’t eaten by dinosaurs or anything, although I wouldn’t mind being eaten at this point. It’s been a while. And by while I mean like a month. Sad panda.

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The art of ass sniffing

I will never for the life of me understand why dogs sniff each others asses. But then again, I’ll never understand why they lick their own balls either, is it for pleasure or do they lick just to lick? I looked it up because I like to know things. If I accomplish nothing in life, at least I’ll know that I have a ton of useless information. Turns out that dogs don’t smell each others asses to say hello. They do it because, according to this article, their ass gives off a smell in which the smellers can determine the smellees gender, health, and all sorts of other vital information.

Sniff, sniff, whoa that poodle has mono! OR Snnniiiiiiiiffffffffff, mmmm this chow husky mix is definitely packing where it matters most. I actually don’t know how this shit works exactly because I myself am not a dog, no matter HOW many times I am referred to one.

Ba dum tss

So basically, that initial whiff gives the dog all kinds of useful information. Can you imagine if that shit worked for people? With one big whiff you’d know about someones 401K or past sexcapades gone wrong. While it wouldn’t be socially acceptable to go around smelling peoples asses all day, we do get pretty close.

It’s not called ass sniffing, it’s called online stalking.

Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes


Sometimes it can be done without the other person knowing. A lot of people actually put their instagram info on their Tinder profile so you can sniff around without them ever knowing. Some people want to know when you’re sniffing around and have a private account. Why tell everyone where the partys at if you still have to ask to come in? I don’t do either but I will give out the info once I’ve semi started talking to someone and seen that they’re not batshit crazy.

The funny part is when they start liking or commenting on pictures. Now not only have they sniffed but they’ve started sprinkling some pee around. They want you to know they’ve been looking around. I always take this as a cue to go ahead and do the same. That picture you can’t get enough of, go ahead and double tap now.

Other sites such as OkCupid let you know about the ass sniffing as soon as it goes down. The minute someone looks at your profile you get a notification that they’re checking you out. The bad thing is though that it’ll notify the smellee for each time you do it. Like what you see? Well you’d be better off taking a screenshot of someones profile than coming off as extremely creepy for checking out that same profile a few dozen times a day.

Much like how dogs do this to get a better sense of the other dogs, we do this to get a better sense of other people. Maybe before I totally wanted to date a certain guy but after checking out his hundreds of pics of him blackout drunk I might reconsider? Or vice versa. If I was on the fence about somebody, his pictures might sway me in his favor.

As for me, I don’t always have the most flattering pictures of myself on Instagram but if a guy wants to see more of me, then I figure he’ll definitely get a better sense of who I am. While I do have more than 600 pictures on my account, the majority of them aren’t of my face (see: not a selfie whore).

So go ahead people of the world, take a look around and get a nice whiff. If you like what you see, I guess you can pee on me some. Not literally though. Definitely, not literally.

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