Posts Tagged With: scared

I’m scared shitless

Oh my, what an interesting turn of events.

Just yesterday I posted about all the guys I was potentially dating. In the first guys description I said I would probably drop everything had he popped back up. I was joking. Not because I didnt mean it but because we weren’t talking anymore and him popping back up would be like me getting eaten by a dinosaur. It just wasnt going to happen.

If you’ve been following me for a bit or have suddenly binge read all my posts, you’ll see that I’ve talked about this guy in sevvvvvveral posts (The Contender, Sunday Bloody Sunday, something about me wanting to date him, and one about me telling him to fuck off).

From really early on, I liked this guy. Our first date only solidified these feelings. But in the months or so that we talked and hung out after, it was all over the place. Sometimes I wouldnt hear from him for days and other times it was nonstop. It was definitely the most confused I had ever been. I decided if I wanted to stay sane I had to cut him loose, so I did. I bid him adieu and blocked him on Tinder and Instagram, and I erased his phone number and all messages.

After about a week I unblocked him on Insta thinking a) he’d never notice he wasnt following me anymore and b)even if he did notice he wouldnt be dumb enough to follow me again. My profile isnt private so if he wanted to creep he could do so without me ever knowing.

But no.

Two nights ago I logged on and saw that not only had he started following me, he went and liked some of my pictures. For a second I was flattered but I quickly became upset. How dare he just fucking pop back up and leave proof that he had been visiting my page?! Couldn’t he just do it without letting me know?!

I was still pretty pissed about it yesterday so I went through my phone to see if I could somehow find his number. I then messaged him asking what the hell he was thinking.

I know this sounds a bit ridic considering its just another follower but it was about the principle. I had made it clear I was done with him so why come back?!

Of course, we then ended up texting for hours and hours.

I told him I was upset and I was done with him and all that jazz. What does he come back with? 

I wasn’t sure what u wanted.  U werent exactly very clear with me either. But I do like you and if it could work between us, I’d be stoked.

Cuz I started to miss you

I feel like u like to go out and date and have fun and even if I tried to make it work, you’d still want to keep doing that.

I wanna try

That and a whole lot of other stuff. How is he going to pop back up and drop a load on me like that?! I’ve been dating, I’ve been thinking about him less, I havent reached out to him. Why now?! Why at all??!?!?!

I thought about it all day.

I’m STILL thinking about it now but what’s done is done.

I told him ok, I said he could try.

I know some of you may not agree with me. Hell, I know none of my friends or family would even agree with me. I’ve already been hurt because of all the confusion with this guy and all the yo-yo’ing. I’ve already moved on and started seeing other people, people who probably already think we’re officially dating.

But at the end of the day, he’s still the guy I think about and the one I want to be with. I know I’m probably setting myself up to get hurt but I have to try.

The whole point of me trying online dating is so I could find someone to date. I found someone I genuinely like and Im supposed to place him aside for a safer bet?

It sucks, it really does. This can go either way but I wont know unless I try.

I’m not holding my breath or getting my hopes up, I’m just gonna sit back and let things unfold on their own.

As it is I’m always pretty skeptical and a bit removed. Now in this case I feel like I have to be extra cautious. I’m scared shitless. Just thinking about it makes my throat close up.

I’m hoping it all works out but even if it doesn’t, I can always go back on Tinder or OkC and at least I’ll be able to say, I tried.

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