Posts Tagged With: sex

Recycling sex partners

Why is it that men always find a way back into my life. If you stopped talking to me once, why am I supposed to believe you’ve changed your mind and come to your senses and now would like to be in my life?

I see right through you. You want to have sex with me. Your random texts aren’t going to convince me that you’re intetested in more than just sex, I know that’s all you want. I wasn’t born yesterday.

How hard is it for someone to just come out and say it.

“We should catch up!”
“I miss you. Send me a picture so I can see your beautiful face.”
“I miss our intellectual conversations, we should hang out again!”
“I remember having so much fun the last time we hung out, let’s meet up!”

All of that basically means = I’ll be nice so you can hang out with me. Then we can have sex. Then I will remember how “busy” I am and ignore you all over again.

Yes, I realize that so long as I let these dumbasses back in my life, theyre going to keep doing it. Over and over again.

See: Carlsbad.

Thanks to Tinder, I’ve recently encountered a guy I slept with 3 years ago. Of course he wants to hang out. Of course he wants to have sex.


I’m still pretty much over sex at this point so if Im going to have any, Id rather have sex with someone Ive slept with before instead of jacking up my numbers.

I have no interest in doing so though.

Hans Solo has been messaging me for about 2-3 weeks now. I have no interest in seeing him.

Tinder rekindling has been messaging me for about 2 weeks now too. I also have no interest in seeing him.

Carlsbad has now stopped messaging me. He got what he wanted. We had sex and I sucked his dick about 3 times in our 1 sleepover. He should be good for a few weeks. Im sure he’ll reach out again soon to tell me how much he “misses” me.

I could make plans with these boys and then never show. Once I start getting calls and texts asking me where I am, I can stay silent. After standing them up I can then ask them how they like being on the receiving end of silence.

But Im not 12 and I dont need to do anything that low. Im not vindictive and I dont hold grudges.

I guess I can just give them the courtesy they never gave me and simply tell them, Im not interested.

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My body, my responsibility

Currently chillin at the gynos office waiting to get implanted.


Even though Im not regularly having sex and I dont think the few times I do merit a daily dosing of hormones into my body, I guess I might as well.

Heres to hoping Implanon doesnt give me a bionic arm.

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Lessons of a dumdum

Also, let it be noted that in the past 2 months I have had sexual relations 5 times. Only once of those 5 times was it protected.

Let it go on the record that I am an idiot.

Categories: No Bueno | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Whiskey dick

Sober I can do forevvvvvvver and a day without the desire for sex.

Add alcohol and I can go all of 5 minutes.

I finally got around to seeing Spidey last night. The sex between us was always incredible so I was beeeeeyond excited to finally sit on his dick. That and he was by far the best pussy eater Ive ever encountered so I cant say I wasnt looking forward to that either.

Life is pretty funny though.

When you expect nothing, you sometimes get waaaaay more than you even could have asked for.

When you expect something, it always goes to shit.

On the one hand, its been abt 2 years since I last saw him so hooray to introducing anal play without it being weird or awkward and him being totally into it.

Buuuuuut other than that, everything pretty much fell flat. The pussy eating was sub par. Not just for Spidey but for anyone.

And the cherry on top?

Limp dick.


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Tick tock

Am I the only one who finishes in less than 2 minutes whenever I masturbate?

It takes me longer to find some decent porn to watch.

The buildup is always so much better than the actual release.


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Oxes and carts

I go through phases in which I want every guy in sight and then phases of being a hermit. It’s safe to say I’m currently going through the latter.

Spidey‘s back in town. Besides the initial post I made about him, I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned him.

A few years back we had this weird pseudo relationship. It went on for about a year or so. I moved away but we kept talking and I’d see him whenever I was in town. This went on until he moved to another country. Two years ago. In those two years, I’ve probably exchanged hellos with him less than five times. We weren’t even FB friends anymore. No bad blood between us, we just had our own lives to live.

I kinda figured he’d be in town this summer and thought since I am currently unattached, I wouldn’t mind seeing him.

None of this is emotional.

The sex with Spidey was probably the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. We never did anything out of the ordinary and I’d say the majority of it was probably just standard ol’ missionary. But the chemistry between our bodies was insane. There was just this ridiculous passion and desire between us, we just had to have each other at that moment. He is also probably the only dude that has made me cum just about every single time. We had sex. A fuckload of sex. And I’d say the success rate was about 99.9%, there were only a few times where it was kinda lame, and I’d dare to say it was only about 3-4 times iiiiiif that.

Now that he’s back we’ve already gotten in touch and let it be known that we’re both down to go at it again. Hell, I’ve been thinking about him for at least the past month now wondering when he’d show back up. But now that I know he’s around, I’m not exactly jumping at the opportunity.

Of all the guys I’ve ever had in my life, I probably threw the most shit at this guy. And he was definitely the least deserving. The fact that he even talks to me still speaks volumes of him.

I first met this guy when I was 4. We were in kinder together, up until 3rd grade then he moved away. Thanks to Facebook we reconnected 17 years later. I moved away the following year, about 9 hours away, but I’d still see him every couple of months or so. Then, two years ago, he moved to China and that’s where he’ll be heading after his month here is up.

I say we had a pseudo relationship because never has a relationship been so much about the sex, yet not about it at all. God. Just writing about this dude is bringing up a bunch of stuff that I had forgotten about.


I’m gonna quit now while I’m still ahead.


Categories: Just Because | Tags: , , | 2 Comments

Taco supreme

Once again, its Taco Tuesday. I havent the slightest clue as to why Tuesdays became my go-to for sexcapades.

Original dude I was supposed to see tonight has yet to text me back. Nap gone too deep? Meh, who cares. I texted like 3 other dudes. Im already dressed and dont feel like waiting around.

Haber como me va.

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Anatomy of a date

3 hours before

Ugh. I have to start getting ready soon. Do I haaaaaaave to go? I’d really rather just stay here and watch another 10 episodes of Botched. What if I just pretend I forgot?

Incoming text:

Are we still on? Looking forward to seeing you! – Guy

“Me too!!”

Gag. I guess I really have to go now.

2 hours before

How do I really *need* to shave? Can I just pretend I went straight from an errand? It’s not like we’re not going to have sex because of it. Oooh sex!

15 minutes before


5 minutes in

Holy shit, he’s really cute. Like way cuter than I expected! No funny accent, horrible teeth, or signs of being a total nutcase. Why’d I get so worked up?

30 minutes in

Wow, he’s really smart! And funny. I’m not even pretending to laugh, I’m actually laughing. Geeze, and he’s SO cute! Go, me!

1 hour in

Is he STILL talking about the same story? Ugh, my cheeks are starting to hurt from holding this fake ass smile. WHEN IS HE GOING TO SHUT UP?! *pretends to text* *nods enthusiastically* *checks time* I should really leave soon. Like first break in the conversation. Ugh. We didn’t even makeout. Hmm. I do have that condom. And it’d be a shame to put it to waste. Just how much effort would I have to put in to make this happen? *feigns laugh* ok, fine! 30 more minutes and Im out of here.

90 minutes in

God, this guy is SO weird. No wonder he’s online! I’m sooooo bored.

I should really get going now. I have to be up super early tomorrow. 

Ok, fuck it. I’m going for it. If anything I can make it seem like it was his idea and at the very least get a good finger fuck out of this. Hmmm, I wonder if he’ll go down on me?

10 minutes later


10 minutes later

God, when is this guy going to finish. He’s even weirder than I thought! No need to walk me out. Just finish and I’ll be on my merry way.

End of date

That wasn’t so bad. I can totally see myself dating this dude.

Let’s hang out tomorrow! – Guy

For sure!! 


Welcome to my fucking life. 






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That moment when you go through your purse at work and realize the pantyhose from last nights sexcapades are still in there.


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Sooooo yesterday Hans Solo asked if I wanted to come over today around 7. I didnt think he was serious so I said yea.

He was serious. Looks like Im having me a play date.

Id like to say Im just going over for biscuits and tea but we’re not exactly in England annnnnd I dont see that happening. Stay tuned to see how tonights shenanigans go.

Also, yesterday the Navy dude was being creepy as fuck so I started being myself, aka a bitch. He got mad and called me rude. So I told him the only reason I hung out with him was to sit on his dick before my date. (Yes, I had sex with him immediately before hanging out with another guy. Yes, I wouldve had sex with the 2nd dude had he tried. No, I dont care if youre judging me right now.)

I told him what I did with my life was no ones business but my own.

He said he respects my honesty and admitted he still wants me lmao.

We then sexted while he jacked off for me. I say for me cuz I told him to do it. I was just laying in bed drifting off to sleep already.

All hail the P



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