Posts Tagged With: Single

Breakfast dating

Coffee meets bagel.

Am I the coffee or am I the bagel? What if I prefer juice with my bagel? What if I prefer my coffee straight, or with a donut?

I erased my OkCupid account after some repeated negligence on my behalf. Match still wants my money and I definitely don’t want to go back to the parched fellows at POF or Tinder.

So I tried CMB.

So far, it’s definitely more my pace. I don’t feel obligated to swipe any which way or to respond to any messages. Hell, the only way there is even an option for messaging is if both parties are interested.

Also, you only get 1 match at a time for a period of 12 hours. So if I completely forget to log in for a bit, I won’t have missed much.

I’ve been uninterested in every of the matches Ive gotten so far but at least Im still “trying.” Lol

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Bipolar express

I obviously don’t know what the hell I want and can’t make up my mind.

I signed up for OkCupid & Match. Since I did I’ve probably cared to check my profile about 2-3 times. I’ve responded to my messages just so my account would state I actually responded.

But the truth is, I couldn’t care less about these people and I’ve no interest in meeting any of them.

Too much effort. That and I still think meeting ppl online is beyond weird.

When and where can I get my spinster starter kit?

image

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Let love in

Growing up my mom would always tell me, “Déjate querer.” Coming from my mother I always understood it to mean that I should let myself be sought after, that any body that wanted my affection should work for it, I shouldn’t give it so freely. And coming from her background, I know that’s how she meant it.

But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that this isn’t the meaning that holds true for my life.

As many words have multiple meanings, this saying also has multiple meanings.

Querer literally means to want something. Quiero esa manzana: I want that apple. But it is also a way of expressing your love. Te quiero: I love you.

When I hear “Déjate querer” I don’t hear my mothers advice of playing hard to get, I hear what the universe needs me to hear, and that’s to let myself be loved.

Until recently, I didn’t realize this was an issue for me. When I love, I love completely and I have no need to hold it back. But letting myself be loved is a whole other issue. I sabatoge myself, push people away, and become extremely guarded when any sort of interest sparks. When did I start doing this? I have no effing idea. Why? I haven’t the slightest clue.

I’m not much of a social butterfly anymore so I often wonder how Im supposed to meet people. If I’m out and a guy approaches me, I immediately shut him down. When I was online and a guy messaged me, I was counting down the seconds till he showed that he was only interested in sex or was uber creepy. I look for flaws to justify why they’re still single. I know why I’m single but what about you? Why are you so horrible that you’re available?

I’m not making it very easy I suppose.

Last night I met a friends new beau/current love interest. They met 2 weeks ago. Online. He came to a work-related event, met all her friends, made an effort to hang with them all after, and made plans for their attendance at another upcoming (see: October) work-related event. Not once did I think any of it was feigned or that he was creepy.

My co-worker (yes, the one I drunkenly had sex with. A few times. Because adults can totally do that and be cool and not weird and still be friends) met his girlfriend online. (Actually, I have yet to confirm but I’m about 99.9% positive this is how it happened). She moved here, met him about a week later, started calling him her boyfriend about a month in, and is now living with him. This is all within a matter of months (they met in late Sept.). While things may have happened a bit untraditionally for them, they both love each other and are making it work.

I’m not envious of either situation, I’m happy for both of them.

As I said in my previous post, I truly am happy and am totally fine with being single.

I’ve stopped having any form of communication with any guy I knew was just interested in hooking up. Not because I’m a prude but I’m just not interested. Why string them along when I know I won’t be crawling into any of their beds anytime soon?

When I look at my friends and their significant others, I dont yearn for a relationship, for someone to carry on my arm and proudly show off like some trophy. What I yearn for is to have someone to share something with. Be it experiences, success, or just a funny gif. Part of the excitement of new relationships is getting to know the other person.

Everything with me is either 0 or 100 but right now I think all I want is something smack in the middle. No random sexcapades but no commitments either.

I can’t expect for things to just happen on their own so short of me going up to random guys and asking if they’d be interested in getting to know me, I guess I’ll just have to go back online. And maybe actually stay online this time. I think maybe the longest I’ve had a profile up is about 3 weeks.

Maybe it’ll work, maybe it won’t but either way I could use the practice.  Maybe this will be the year that I learn to let love in.

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Forever a booty call

One guy won’t stop snapchatting me pictures of his dick.

Another texts/calls me at least 2-3 times a week anytime between 12 am- 7 am, and no, he does not work graveyard.

And of course, we all know about Carlsbad,  Mr. Hit It & Quit It in the flesh.

*Yawn*

I’d rather stab my eyes out with a dildo than go through another year of this nonsense. Hell, another couple months.

I’m not trying to settle down and Im definitely not expecting anyone to come and sweep me off my feet. But is it that hard to find someone to actually have a conversation with. Fuck your past, I aint tryna get to know all of your secrets and act like I know you better than everyone else. I’m just trying to hold a conversation that stimulates my mind past the usual “ooga booga.”

Le sigh.

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Recycling sex partners

Why is it that men always find a way back into my life. If you stopped talking to me once, why am I supposed to believe you’ve changed your mind and come to your senses and now would like to be in my life?

I see right through you. You want to have sex with me. Your random texts aren’t going to convince me that you’re intetested in more than just sex, I know that’s all you want. I wasn’t born yesterday.

How hard is it for someone to just come out and say it.

“We should catch up!”
“I miss you. Send me a picture so I can see your beautiful face.”
“I miss our intellectual conversations, we should hang out again!”
“I remember having so much fun the last time we hung out, let’s meet up!”

All of that basically means = I’ll be nice so you can hang out with me. Then we can have sex. Then I will remember how “busy” I am and ignore you all over again.

Yes, I realize that so long as I let these dumbasses back in my life, theyre going to keep doing it. Over and over again.

See: Carlsbad.

Thanks to Tinder, I’ve recently encountered a guy I slept with 3 years ago. Of course he wants to hang out. Of course he wants to have sex.

Duh.

I’m still pretty much over sex at this point so if Im going to have any, Id rather have sex with someone Ive slept with before instead of jacking up my numbers.

I have no interest in doing so though.

Hans Solo has been messaging me for about 2-3 weeks now. I have no interest in seeing him.

Tinder rekindling has been messaging me for about 2 weeks now too. I also have no interest in seeing him.

Carlsbad has now stopped messaging me. He got what he wanted. We had sex and I sucked his dick about 3 times in our 1 sleepover. He should be good for a few weeks. Im sure he’ll reach out again soon to tell me how much he “misses” me.

I could make plans with these boys and then never show. Once I start getting calls and texts asking me where I am, I can stay silent. After standing them up I can then ask them how they like being on the receiving end of silence.

But Im not 12 and I dont need to do anything that low. Im not vindictive and I dont hold grudges.

I guess I can just give them the courtesy they never gave me and simply tell them, Im not interested.

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My Kryptonite

I think at one point in life everyone has that one person that is so completely wrong for them, they know it but plow on anyway.

That person for me is Carlsbad. From the moment I met him, I knew he was bad news for me. And time and time and time again he’s done nothing but prove to me just how wrong.

What do we do when it doesnt work out? Give it a few weeks and try again only to fail miserably and restart the cycle all over again. This has happened at least 5 times already.

I can’t stay away from him.

Actually, correction. I do just fine staying away from him, in fact I do much better at it then he does. But the minute he pops back up in my life, I drop everything for the 2 seconds of attention hes going to give me.

Things start off smoothly enough and only take days before he starts ghosting again. Does he have a girlfriend? Probably. Is he seeing other women? I wouldnt doubt it. Is he using me just for sex? I dont see why he wouldnt. Is he ever going to knock it off? Most definitely not.
It drives me absolutely insane that he does it and it makes me sick to know that all of my beliefs and morals go out the window the minute he comes around. I become “that” girl. The one who will do anything, no questions asked, just to keep him around or interested.

Each of the times Ive seen him last has been with the intention of cutting him loose and bidding him adieu. But the minute I see him, I melt. My brain turns to mush, butterflies invade every cavity of my being, my serotonin levels shoot through the roof, and I suddenly dont care. If all I can get of him is a few hours or one night, then Ill take what I can get. And its not enough being around him, I have to touch him and be near him. I feel the energy radiating from his body and I need to connect. My body needs to be connected to his if even in the lightest touch.

I know in an earlier post I had talked about needing to consume his entire being and thats the only way I can describe it. This feeling within me is suddenly bigger than my feelings or my understanding. Lying in bed next to him its like the carnal desire takes over and I just have to touch him and hold on to him. It definitely isnt lust and Im the last person to cuddle or show any form of PDA such as handholding or hugging. But something in me takes over. I have to run my fingers over his entire body, his shoulders, his biceps, his chest, his ears, his hair, his lips, his thighs, everything!

I hate it.

I hate all of it.

Because I know this is temporary, because I know it will never work, but mostly because I know that it could have been great.

Amazingly great.

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Thrice as nice

I am now officially 30 and I am still single. No kids, no significant other, no baby daddy/baby mama drama.

Im single and Im not married or dating and I couldnt care less.

Can we all just take a minute to applaud and recognize this feat of not feeding yet another stereotype.

*begins slow clap*

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Life

I know I used to post so much more on here and I was probably a bajillion times more interesting.

My apologies.

Aside from the now two times Ive slept with my coworker (unprotected I might mention. Yikes!) I havent dated or slept with anyone in quite some time.

I tried Tinder again last night. That lasted for all of 5 minutes. Im so much more interested in meeting someone and doing absolutely nothing with them much more so than randomly hooking up with anyone.

I didnt think “Hey, lets hang out and NOT have sex” would attract a whole lot of attention so I promptly deleted my account.

The same dude that insulted me last week (see previous post) also was kind enough to tell me that I was 29 and still single and that it was all my fault. I had to take responsibility for the douches in my life and for the fact that they were douchey toward me. Yup. Carlsbad now making his 6th appearance in my life to tell me he misses me only to dissappear 3 weeks later?

Totally my fault.

Yes, I am aware that because I allow this ridiculous behavior, he continues doing it. For that I will take ownership. But for his shitty attitude in general? Not my doing.

If I need to take responsibility for my love life, so be it.

Im single as fuck and totally ok with it. Impending doom need not apply.

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Ghosted

Just came across an article on Jezebel about online dating and in the comments came across the term “ghosted.”

Not just once, but in various messages.

Turns out this shit is a lot more common than I had thought. People just disappear.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha.

Having too many options can actually lead ppl to be more indecisive. I get it, I totally do. Ppl always seem to have one foot out the door just waiting for the newest shiny thing, only to do it again and again and again.

Fellow ghosted recipients, lemme break it down for you right quick, THEY ARE NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. Theyve got options but guess what, so do you. Keep swiping away to your hearts content.

Nexxxxxxxxt.

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Also

If you read that last post and have been following me at all, youll notice that I said I saw Carlsbad.

Not a typo. Totally did.

Cant tell you how or why it happened, just did.

At this point Ive given up pretending I have any control over my life and have accepted that the universe is going to do with me what it will.

I aint even mad.

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