This guy.

Where do I even begin? I’ve known him for about 5 or 6 years now, I’m sure he’ll say it’s been close to 10 but it definitely hasn’t been that long. From the first time I’d ever seen him I always thought he was cute, tall, tattoos, slim. He used to be a security guard at some bar I frequented so I saw him often. Some time after he stopped working there we somehow became acquaintances. I’d say it have to have been on Facebook though I honestly can’t remember.

I’d have to say that this guy has by far given me the most trouble and in all that time that I’ve known him I’ve only slept with him once. Ok, twice but we only hung out once.

Timing has never been on our side. When I first interested he was in a relationship, which is sort of how we started talking. I was abroad for a few months and he’d started IM’ing me on Facebook about his woman troubles. Although I wanted nothing more than to sit on his penis, I listened. There wasn’t much I could do anyway being in an entirely different country.

A few months after I got back he was single again buuuut I had started seeing some French guy (see: International Waters).

We’d still message each other every now and then but that was it. The closest we ever got to doing anything was once at a bar we both frequented. I was there with the French guy and he asked me to meet him outside for a quick kiss. As tempting as it was, I didn’t bother. This dude was only going to get back with his on again/off again girlfriend. Plus, there was the French guy who was patiently waiting for me inside.

Fast forward to about 2 summers ago. I’ve seen my share of bed sheets since and this dude was in a never ending cycle of a relationship.  After growing real tired of his constant sexts I told him to stop contacting me unless he was actually going to put out, he happened to be single so we met up.

A lot of men talk a big game when it comes to penis size, it’s yay big or so many inches wide. I had seen countless pictures of this guys junk. I’m not kidding. I have years worth of this dudes sexts. But geeze, this was the first dude who I had ever seen properly fill a Magnum condom.

We had sex twice, obvs, and I went down on him, again, obvs.

For all of the trouble it had been to finally get to this moment, we had agreed to record these lovely sessions (see: Why I don’t send nudes). I’m not going to say it was a mistake because everything is a lesson in disguise, however, I definitely am going to pay for those videos for the rest of my life it seems.

The sex was amazing, hell I was sore was days after. Never had being so patient for something been so damn rewarding.

Of course, since then we’ve never hung out again. The only reason I add him to my list of lovers is because no matter how much time goes by or how many relationships have begun and fizzled, this dude will always pop up out of nowhere again. I erase his number, forget all about him (and that damn video), and then lo and behold, surprise!

In all the time I’ve known him only once has he hinted at wanting more than just sex. But it was 2 a.m. and I was living about 10 hours away so it doesn’t count.

Would I sleep with him again? No shit, in a heartbeat. Would I let him record it again? I’m gonna say no, but then again I can’t be held accountable for anything I say or do in the bedroom so I wouldn’t surprise myself if I changed my stance.

Funny thing though, we’ve never kissed. Not that one time outside the bar and definitely not the time(s) we had sex. As amazing as the sex was, it was definitely the strangest thing ever to leave without a single peck. But hey, stranger things have happened. I won’t let a mere kiss stop from me from enjoying myself!

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