Ah, my Tinderfolk. How I’ve grown fond of them. Not. I can’t remember who said what anymore. I’d hate to bring up fisting to the scientist when he was the one that was into water sports instead.

You think I’m kidding but I’m not.

I’ve come to think that I don’t have a type, that there isn’t one specific look that I go for but boy oh boy has Tinder proved me wrong. Swipe, swipe, swipe.

You can’t take an app seriously when all it goes on is looks. At least the people I meet from the other sites have an idea about who I am and not just what I look like.

There are guys that I’ve met on Tinder who said they’re looking for more than sex. Kudos to them. They usually don’t keep texting me after a day or two.

With this blog, you’d probably think that I was the one that brought up sex first. No way. I let the guys lead the conversation. If they want to talk careers and life and hobbies, so be it, I’ll talk about that stuff too. These usually stop messaging me back after a few hours. The ones that want to talk about sex are broken down into two groups. The ones that start with sex. I usually don’t send them more than a message or two. And the ones who say they’re looking for someone to get to know and then in getting to know each other, they bring up sex and then that’s all the conversations are about. I don’t message people I’m not even slightly interested in so the sex talk doesn’t bother me at all, it’s going that way sooner or later. But then here’s the thing, the conversations fizzle fast. Unless you meet within the next day or so, there’s nothing to sustain this superficial relationship you’ve now created. There’s only so many messages you can send after “Suck my veiny cock, then let me choke you while I fuck you.” A typical “how’s your day going?” doesn’t sit well after a message like that.

So unless I meet the Tinderfolk and we actually do fuck, a lot of these people are all just talk. I’m not saing they all are. I’ve met some pretty decent guys on Tinder….as well as the not so decent.

The Olympian

This dude is genuinely super sweet. I’ve known him for close to 2 months now and our schedules have never worked out so we have yet to chill. While we did discuss sex once, it rarely comes up. Shit, I don’t think this dude has ever even asked for nudes. 10 points for him.

The Cheater

This was the first dude I met from Tinder. He told me he had a girlfriend from the beginning so I’m not pretending like he did me wrong or anything. We talked about traveling and life. I did tell him I had a horrible habit of always looking for someone to sleep with after a night out and he stuck around. Go figure. The first time we hung out I did it to prove to myself that I could hang with a guy without needing to sleep with him. By the time I was ready to head home though I changed my mind. I figured I deserved something for having driven over there. Turns out he had a small wiener. Smallest I’ve ever seen and I’m not just saying this because I feel a certain way about cheater. I don’t condone it but honestly it’s all around me. What people do in their relationships is no one business but their own. I’d never do it to a partner or mine though, but that’s just me. Anywhoo, the second time I went over I had been drinking and figured I’d stop by and at least enjoy myself, to make up for the first time. He was more than willing to have me over. We had sex. It was nice. Soon as it was over though I told him if he wasn’t cool with his girlfriend fucking over dudes, then he probably should stop putting his dick in me. He agreed. He’s still on Tinder though. To his girlfriend, very sorry you have an asshat as a boyfriend, I hope you know better and are getting yours too.

The Dryhumper

This dude I had already given up on and wasn’t messaging anymore but one night I was out and didn’t want to go directly home. See above. I messaged him and he messaged back. Bingo! He looked decent and was close enough. Turns out his roomies family was in town so his place was a no go. My place is never an option. Way too many reasons why I don’t take guys back to my place, ever. I figured fuck it, the car would do for some quick messing around, no penetration would I was okay with that. Finally meet up with the guy and he’s nowhere quite as decent as his pictures. He must’ve photoshopped his face smooth because in person, it was anything but. Again, I figured I’d get something for my troubles and so after about an hour of conversation we started making out. I immediately put his hands down my pants. I drive a sedan. The driver and passenger seats are their own entities. This dude tried rolling over somehow so he’d at least end up on me and could rub his dick enough so that he too could get off. Well my car isn’t that big and he didn’t roll all the way so he ended up just dry humping the side of the gear stick.  His fingers weren’t really moving, they were just in me so I ended up moving them away some so I could at least rub it out.

God, I sound like such an asshole.

I can’t exactly describe what he was humping but it didn’t last long. I finished and sat back up so he stopped. He has since messaged me, and I happened to be with The Cheater when he did but I didn’t respond. Yes, I see that I’m an asshole and that’s probably why I’m single. No new discoveries there.


To be fair I actually met this guy on OkCupid, not on Tinder. Of all the guys I’ve talked to and met thus far, he is by far the one I’ve been most interested in and whom I’m most compatible with. However, this also happens to be the dude that stood me up. After his work trip I figured I’d hear from him again when he got back in town and sure enough, he messaged me last night around 10 asking me to come over. I said no and of course I haven’t heard from him since. This one is quite a charmer, very attractive, and oh so right. But he’s bad news. I did recommend Tinder to him though before he cut me off so maybe he’ll find what he’s looking for!!

Delivery Man

Of all the guys that have come and gone this one is the only one that’s remained constant despite all the shit I’ve thrown his way. He’s a bit younger than me and can be a bit uninformed about certain things. Being the strong woman that I am, I don’t stand for any of it. I’m not trying to make a point or start a rebellion. I just want him to know that it’s not cool. That’s all. This guy likes me and actually wants to date me but I haven’t made the effort. Before you go schooling me that I’m the reason I’m single let me finish. I’ve tried visiting him late at night. Yes, I know, I have issues whatever. He ended up falling aleep and it never happened. Second time we tried hanging out he was supposed to meet up with me and some friends. Never made it out and didn’t mention it until I asked him about 10 minutes before we were supposed to meet. I get that shit happens. I’m the last person to say anything about people not showing up, however, a heads up would be nice. Had Romeo told he he couldn’t keep Mondays date I wouldve been over there last night as soon as he had gotten home. A simple “not gonna make it” text makes all the difference in the world. That plus the many, many ignorant things that this dude has said is why I won’t bother making time to go hang with him. He knows this and he understands. I’ve seen his junk and he’s seen…parts of me lol and we’ve of course talked about sex among every other thing possible but I just won’t make the effort if I’ve already been bailed on. Keep trying delivery man, maybe one day it’ll work out for you. *As of 4/27/14 this dude is definitely out of the running.

The Scientist

I think this dude works in science. I could be wrong. I met this guy originally from OkCupid and then found him on Tinder as well. He didn’t start pursuing me until Tinder though. Of all the dudes I’m currently talking to, I could maybe take this one serious. He’s a shorty though. While I say I don’t really care about height, a recent night out proved otherwise. We’ll see.




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